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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in shazzan's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, April 11th, 2006
3:05 pm
Things are back to normal! Finally, i was getting worried. The weather is great. And im feeling alot better. My bills are paid and my phone is back up and running. Been getting hungry lately. I just bought 2 whole apple pies. A bag of chips. A large bag of M&Ms peanut. A large bag of chocolate covered raisens. Now as i sit here, im eyeing the nice juicey pork on the stove.

Current Mood: good
Thursday, April 6th, 2006
12:04 am
Crap--thats how i feel. SO like crap. Im so tired and then theres ebay. EBAY! i was happy at first when i was running it and now that business has grown, i get like 65 questions a day. Now barry white is playing on the radio--its making feel better, lol. "oh oh babe! my darling I--cant get enough of your love babe!" lol--ok--im happy again. :D
Well, thankyou sis for buying me this radio. So i was talking to a counselor today and since i missed two semesters i would need to re-apply. I was soo pissed cause that would mean i would need to reapply for next year spring. DAMN THIS SYSTEM--and i just freakin paid off my bill so i could get into fall. I miss school. Im doing ok in studying by myself. Its pickin up...OH!--ebay sucks! business is really grown, BUt damn questions are 65--i have 50 left to complete and im gonna leave it all for tommorrow. I feel so drained. I just want to read my book--angels and demons. I finished the little prince today. Im a reading machine.
Now i need to relearn basic chem. Stupid electronegativity. So drained. Got to remember that the electronegativity is the ability of an atom to draw an electron in a COVALENT bond. It increases going from left to right in the row(period) and it decreased going down a column. I need to relearn because i forgot about calculating the energy of a atom. lol.

Current Mood: DRAINED
Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
4:22 pm
oK! i just made a molecule of water!! lol--it orgasmic! ohhh baby.... I have this molecule kit and i made a molecule of water and its soo weird. ANd then i made a hydronium ion, like wtf man! This crap is weird. IM TOTALLY FREAKIN OUT!

SO GOOD NEWS!! im going to school in the fall! FInALLY! GEEZ--ive been out for soo long. Then i got my MCATS schedule for august 19. lol, i remmeber last year when i was at amandas house, i tld her dad that the mcats were about every 2 months--lol. WOW-i was so un-informed and i wasnt even taking that seriously. Then my sis just developed some pics of me and the ex. We were a cute couple, of coarse i was the looks of the relationship:P

Now im going to eat a banana. My fruit diet didnt go as planned. Nothing i plan ever goes as planned which leads me to believe that i should stop planning things. ANd that should be my new yeards resolution! STop planning things. Todays feeling good. I havent seen any of my friends in the last....2 weeks. Ive been very hermity lately. SO detached. Its almost fun!! Ive also been feeling strange over the months and just lately ive been feeling great! Like last week and a half. Ok, thats enough for me. Im gonna finish this banana--write stuff--learn stuff and watch american idol.

Current Mood: chipper
Sunday, April 2nd, 2006
10:42 am
Rain is so relaxing. Its raining now. :D
I wish sometimes that i lived in a place were it rain at least once a day. Im reading Angels and Demons and The little Prince. Ive already read the little prince but i re-reading it. I finished lord of the flies. It was a nice book. Very haunting. Angels and Demons which is the prequel to The da vinci code, is a great book so far. brilliant! They tie religion with science.
so, everythings great in my life. I could always be studyin more. Got melvin party and rachel party to get to. Each one is a birthday party. havent been out of the house to go somewhere fun is ages! SO this is awesome!! Thursday and saturday.

Current Mood: Feelin good
Friday, March 24th, 2006
11:34 am
stupid brain
stupid brain. I just keep floating back on things. Old things. I feel so unattached to everything. I made a schedule to run my life to gets things in order. Everythings so weird. Need to focus. Cant think of anything else. Need to focus. Feeling so pressured.

--rachels moved in. shes sorta happy. They have a plasma tv. Spent the night over her apartment and meet jillian. Me, steve and steph went. It was fun, made cosmopolitains. We got drunk and played uno and charades. Have not meet lina-the single one. Maybe i dont want to--too busy. Michelle called yesterday--she went to canada yesterday. Why'd she call? Maybe she really does like me? Who knows...coffee is great. lol. i wish there were more hours in a day. At least 10 more. water is great--been drink galloons of it.....i think i spelt gallons wrong. lol. Shared some drink with dam and anna downstairs--they have tons of wine bottles and they are awesome! They get along beautifuly. I had some mudslides in martini glasses. Damien spilt tons of it on his bed. Alice and Orion have moved out. Even though i dont see him, i miss him. I need to grow up.
Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
4:04 pm
Ive been drinking V8 lately. Boy does that stuff kick in. Its my substitute for coffee. And now im drinking pop. I know i shouldnt cause its not good for my skin but im only drinking a tiny bit.

My days are like this--get up, go to warehouse, answer questions, study, read a book, study more. Im going to have to pick up the pace in studying because im not at the level i want to be. I know all my substients. It helps when i practice them while doing my everyday chores. lol, like when i play sudoku, i take a break and i write down all the substutients. You have to live it. Now im waiting pateintly for joey to come by so i can go out jogging. And i have a headache--a big one. Then i have to get in touch with paul so we can go and spend the night over at rachels new apartments. Meet her two roommates. One is single and she sounds just like me. Its weird--yoga, work outs, smart(lol), eats organic...what a weirdo! :D
But eh, im not looking for anything...need to focus! Get my shit together.

Old friend melvin smith--i got in contact with him. Word to self--melv is a sage, and is wise beyond his years. Very smart. Hope he and jess last. Im sure they will.

Im changing. I dunno, but my views are more loose. Im more acceptance of things.

I talked to paul for the longest time --about 2 hours-- on monday. I have never talked to him for that long. Then michelle suprisengly called yesterday and we talked for a hour. Then rach called and we talked for a hour. Boy do i know how to make conversation!! Boy, my friends are awesome. They keep me attached to the world. Otherwise id just float away in my own little world.

I read 4 novels in the last 2 months. Im reading lord of the flies now. Its pretty creepy. Im trying to do that because it preps me for my MCats reading/english section. I got great advice from a indian girl name swetha that i should read the wall street journal and thatll help big time.

Boy, where the hell is joey. Its 4:27 and i my head is killing me. And im tired. And i still need to study!
Oh, and soon ill be going on the diet to cleanse my body. Its the first one ive ever done. Its strictly fruit and water or juice or something like that. Me and paul r going to do it. But only if he does it. We are betting things just in case we give up. Im betting my camera and he is betting is electric guitar. For one month! OH man! well thats all for now.

Current Mood: head is killing me!
Tuesday, March 7th, 2006
12:26 pm
i changed my blog.
12:17 pm
i read a cute story today.
Saturday, March 4th, 2006
11:28 pm
ok, so i'm deciding that i should cancel my account...i was thinking about it for like the last 10 minutes. Whats a journal if you cant put your real feeling and of coarse that is really personal. Well i was going to cancell it. but then i visited my friends livejournal. She no longer uses it. And she kept it private because i was her only friend! (blushes)
And she has about 10-14 entries. And i read at least--or skimmed through at least 3 of them. She is a dear friend and she is the only one that can call me pink cat. Then i thought, maybe one day shell come back on. And i could read how she is doing. Because if i cancelled my account, i would never be able to she her entries anymore. And wont be able to remember those memories anymore. I would lose that and all my other entries....and i really dont wanna do that.

Ok, so today we all went to my bro's new house. We stripped the wallpaper and put on the base paint...oh, what do that call it!?....damnit! ohh well. It was fun! Then i solved a soduko puzzle and we all went to eat at a chinese all you can eat restaraunt and my fortune said something about money. My mom got a funny fortune that said, " everything is possible until it is not." I laughed like hell when i read that. Been studying lately. Not as much as i wanted to. Kinda dissappointed in myself for that. I need to pick it up.

I tend to think too much sometimes. Its a gift and a bad habit. Hold on--need coffee. ok, man--almost panicked! They didnt have sugar, but luckily i found some brown sugar. I like brown sugar. I also like honey. And ive been craving pomagranite lately. I had one a few days ago with my mommy. OH the sweet taste!
ok, so i was saying about how much i think. Well ive been reading this text book(ahhhh--i read text books--im such a nerd!--well truthfully, im reading it cause its mostly a science text book and it has alot to do about physics and chem and bio and mostly astronomy so i think it can help with my MCAts)and it deals with the universe. I cant imagine(and its tough for me to say that because my imagination is a powerful thing)--i cant imagine how big this universe it. I mean, i can grasp the idea but i cant think of how INFINITELY INFINITE it is. And the universe is expanding like its a living thing. How bizarre! The hindus claim that the universe has its life period. And then it will die and be reborn. Its sounds very true. I starred at the sky today and i thought, i am a atom in the universe....i am nothing. Theres probably trillions of different being in space. There has to be. And i am so small. Then my mind drifted to different emotional things... but the sky looks so beautiful and clear today.

Current Mood: im happy
Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
11:32 pm
my bro bought a house today! and his birthday is tommorow!
Holy crap-- looking back--i was pisssed that day.

But my bro O and alice just bought a house in munster indiana! Nice house, every beautiful! 3 bedrooms rooms, sun room, craw space, bar, etc. And theres hospitals nearby-oh oh oh!! Internship! hehehe!
And his birthday is tommorrow! Hes turning 25. Wow--how time flies.

Today when most of my fam was in the car driving to see his house(lauren was missing--work), my dad and mom made a joke to themselves and they were laughing and giggling. At that very moment--i had a moment of sheer happiness...:)--undescribeable happiness.

Lately old memories have been swimming through my head. Leaves me with a quiet emptiness. Then its gone. As quick as it came, it quickly leaves.

But i am glad for my bro and his wife. They soon will live their own solitary lives. Make their own friends. And host christmas's at their house. Soon kids and i will be an uncle. Kool uncle Adrian. Or they will call me like my cousins call me--Ade(pronounced: A-D) or Adree(pronounced: A-Dree) or Ade(pronounced: AYed). One day happiness like theres will be mines.

Current Mood: happy
Sunday, February 26th, 2006
1:14 pm
i get soo frustrated at my parents! Its been happening alot lately and i always shout , "soon ill be gone! I just wanna get out of this place!!" FUCK!!!!!!!!!! im soo pissed!!! FUCK SHIT BITCH ASS!!! !! !! ! !HAHSAHASJASKDGSADJDSGASD~!!!! DAMMIKT! !ASSFUCKIN HOLE!!!!!!!

Current Mood: pissed off
Saturday, February 25th, 2006
8:13 pm
good day today. Im reading a new book called kite runner...i dunno if ive already mentioned that. Now im studying that fascinating world of chemistry...and the bohr model. yuk!

Ok so im writing pakola--who apparently looks like kerra knightly(but im doubtful) -- and she mentions being insane and then i suddenly think of tumbling in the grass outside my house. haha. I did that once. It was fun.

Sad days--people dieing.

good days-- me downloading naruto!

Now a days i have these 5lb ankle weights on 24-7. Im trying to strengthin my legs and its working. Need to go jogging again. Will go soon. Days are getting warmer. Its great! Cell phone out of service. Need to pay bill-lol.

Kinda dissappointed in someone. But thats not my problem.
I hope damien makes me a naruto dvd!! Its been over a week.

Current Mood: not so good.
Friday, February 24th, 2006
11:42 am
milk is good
Ahhh yes. Milk is great. :p

I havent written in a while or it so seems like it. Havent been online much. Well, i finished the Life of Pi again and it was still a unbelievable book. Im surprised that people like Piscine Molitor Patel actualy exist. Im flowing through the Naruto series. And ive started a new book. Its called Kite Runner. I hear good things about it and it started pretty good.

Alot of bad news in the world...well, actually, news are never good. But there was these Muhammad, p.b.u.h., comics and then the boming of a mosque. Religion...religion is such a horrible creation. religion, to me is suppose to be about Loving God. But sadley religion isnt about that...thats why there are different sects. There Luthern, catholic, presbyterian, etc...then theres shia and sunni. All believe in certain prophets but thats why if your not a catholic or shia then you dont belong....DOEST make fuckin sense! Ignorance! Sects--ugh! Pi Patel said it the best(pi patel was like me once, a muslim, christian, and hindu), "Bapu Gandhi said, 'All religions are true.' I just want to love God." I love that quote. Makes me smile.
If religion was just about loving god it would be a thing to idealize. But it isnt. Religions break up into sects and those sects hate other sects because they believe their way is better and therefore the right way. The Muhammad, p.b.u.h.,comics are stupid comics made by stupid people but they are partially to blame. The religion idiots who act out are also to blame. Muhammad, p.b.u.h., taught how to love God and keep him in yoru heart. Who cares if someone portrays your prophet...you think Muahmmad cares? You think those people can ever insult ALLAH(if there was one)? Why get mad? People are going to portray religion in so many negative ways so why act out? Love Muhammad, p.b.u.h., from the inside. I just heard that 200 people are dead because of that bombing in the mosque....ignorance.

And then i saw some disturbing words today. I refuse to comment or even address such ignorance...

OK-now time for work and study.

Current Mood: okay
Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
12:56 am
Its Tuesday! WOO HOO!! and im hungry again. Ok, but ive been looking at the greatest anime yet--its called NARUTO! Its about a 13 yr old ninja that goes through ninja acedemy and has couple of unique friends. Theres like about 160 or so animes!! And i've only watched 25 episode. great great great!!

novice ninja = genin
intermediate ninja = chunnin
advanced ninja = jhoujin
TOP ninja = Hokage

Awesome series because its filled with interesting characters, interesting stories, action, Action, ACTION!, and drama. Best of all - the comedy!! OMGOOSH its soo funny!

Ebay businnes has increased dramatically- there was 1400 people visited my ebay store on friday. 1425 on saturday. And 1426 on sunday! WOWzeers! sales have increased and ive been busy listing listing listing, and getting everything in order!

OMG--i just backspaced and i though i erased all my words from this journal!! THANKYOU AUTOSAVE!! :) :) :)

OH and i went to the car show on friday--FREAKIN AWESOME and i got some pics in my yahoo photo album! I even took pics from wierd people. hehehe, Fuckin sweet! It was steve, rae rae, stephy, and me and my beautiful camera! I took 400-500 pics before it went out. It was great. http://photos.yahoo.com/shazzy84@sbcglobal.net
Besides that--life couldnt be better.

Current Mood: in a state of nirvana.
Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
5:58 pm
Its wednesday. Im in my toliet with my lil labtop. Hmmmm...i always get confused about the name "labtop"...is it "labtop" or "laptop"....i think its labtop. lol, anyways im in my toliet and i have soo many ideas to do. I dunno what project to start with. Im already learning calligraphy and im strengthing my legs by adding 5 lbs weights to each leg(ankle weights). Its feel like im in chains. Im practicing drawing again. And im gonna start a book..Im writing a novel or a sceneplay and its about "the bible". But its soo much better. All this while im trying to beat a sudoku puzzle on "demanding"--easy and medium i beat. I still to do alot of updating on my ebay store. Ive been practicing tae kwondo and getting better with flexiblility(ahhhhh--flexibility?) Working out and strengthing my body and my stamina. Im also excersing my brain by study my MCATs--im reviewing biology...cells and what not. Eukaryotes and prokaryotes--eukar. are multi celled orgamisms and non-bacteria single celled organisms while prokar are single celled bacteria and cynobacteria(blue-green algea)...oh man...its like im back in highschool or PSC bio class.
Im going to the car show this friday =)!! I get to se emy friends...ive been in a reclusive phase lately.
My bday was great, alot of people called and some i didnt even know existed. And valentines day was quiet but good--lots of people wished me valentines(like it was a holiday:P)
i dunno, ill write later.

Current Mood: Free as a bird
Sunday, February 12th, 2006
10:59 pm

2 of the cutest people in the world! me and the most cutest baby ive ever seen, and possible the cutest baby in the universe...until i get a child--my cuz's baby--iziah!! OH SO CUTE!! NO OTHER BABY CANT TOUCH HIM!!! FACIAL!
10:29 pm
12:11 am
MY B-DAY IM 22!!

and already ive just gotten a gift--my bro O and alice gave me a oriental kit cause they know im into the culture stuff since ive been eating with chopsticks everyday for the last month!
The kit is awesome--chopsticks--plates--placemats--AWESOME! good way to start off my bday!!

Saturday, February 11th, 2006
11:16 pm
A Day Before My Birthday
Its a day before my birthday and my sister just got into an accident. Nothing serious, just a bump, but she hit the guy from behind. STUPID SISTER! And there goes her driving proveleges! Boy! Yesterday i went out for the first time with my friends in about a month. It was great--olive garden and then we talked through the window when we drove back home.
News to be awaited:
---Rachel and her verdict of coffee--i bought her coffee yesterday and made her drink it! she's supposse to call me to let me knwo if she liked it.
---Paul and his never-ending quest to have sex. Which he has done successfully.
---And now im having jello for the first time in ages! Its red jello of coarse! OF COARSE!
---Last year, on my birthday someone died. It was sad. Louis was his name and he was a hard working man! I had the privilege of working with him and joining him on a couple of times. Me, my bro, and him(bad english--i know!!) went to denver colorado to pick up a shipment of blue powerade. good stuff.

and now me and alice are having a conversation of keeping lauren in place. About her and boys and keeping her in line cause she can be sooo naive! WOMEN<---they believe what men tell them...like puppets to a puppet master! Im gonna raise my children strict--no dating till your 18 or you reach to college!!

.....its 11:12 and my parents with orion and lauren just entered the house. A fight is about to brew! YAY-my sis brought butterfingers and nestle crunch! ok--be right back.

Current Mood: Goofy!!
Monday, February 6th, 2006
1:03 am
watery ink on paper
I have finshed the book memoirs of a geisha. I finished it at 1:00am. It is a remarkable book. And although it wasnt one of the best pieces of literature that ive read, it does leave an impression on me. An impression that life moves on and everything that happens will one day be a memory...how sad. It seems sad because i say , "live for the moment" but THAT moment only last a moment and then it will be gone and all that i could do to give it any meaning would be to remember it. But this book ends on a happy note and a sad one. It wasnt the typical "love" story but in the ends she(chiyo or sayuri) got her man--the chairman.

It makes me feel glad everything worked out for her, but then she is telling it when she is 80 or so years old. To be that old, but be something...interesting. The love of her life died, her friends died, and her culture and the way things used to be died. In the end she is an old, lonely(although she still has friends, but lonely as to her love dieing) woman living in an unfamiliar world ..... heres the last lines in the book that left an impression on me...well maybe i wont write it down yet--maybe at the end of this journal. But it IS sad to to see how age can threaten change and with change comes loss...

I will be turning 22 soon--FEB 12. and i really do not celebrate my birthday anymore. why?--i dunno...getting older just brings new challenges. Soon my greatest fear will be realized (knock on wood) and i cant help but to cry. Things change and all we will have of those things ae memories of a time....

which brings me to question--if was given a choice to live forever as an immortal or to live an ordinary life as a mortal which would i choose? --i would choose a mortal life...because i know that living an mortal life would be more than i could bear.

"I cannot tell you what it is that guides us in this life; but for me, I fell toward the Chairman just as a stone must fall toward the earth. When i cut my lip and met Mr. Tanaka, when my mother died and I was cruelly sold, it was all like a stream that falls over the rocky cliffs before it can reach the ocean. Even now that he is gone I have him still, in the richness of my memories. I've lived my life again just telling it to you.
It's true that sometimes when I cross Park Avenue, I'm struck with the peculiar sense of how exotic my surroundings are. The yellow taxicabs that go sweeping past, honking their horns; the women with their briefcases, who look so perplexed to see a little old Japanese woman standing on the street corner in kimono. But really, would Yoroido seem any less exotic if I went back there again? As a young girl I believed my life would never have been a struggle if Mr. Tanaka hadn't torn me away from my tipsy house. But now I know that our world is no more permanent than a wave rising on the ocean. Whatever our struggles and triumphs, however we may suffer them, all too soon they bleed into a wash, just like a watery in on paper."

Current Mood: tired
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